NEVER IS HEARD

“Where never is heard a  discouraging word . . . ” this line from “Give Me a Home,”‘ is hardly possible. Too often we hear a discouraging “put down” from someone. We either react in anger or sulk and squelch our emotions and die a little inside. But everyone needs someone to hold them up and to encourage them with they face difficulties and adversity.  Nathaniel Hawthorne came home in utter despair and failure. He had lost his job in the Customs House. His wife responded, “Now you can write that book you’ve always wanted to write.” Given that kind of support, Hawthorne wrote, The Scarlet Letter, one of the greatest pieces of literaure the world has ever known. Carl Rogers told the story of a school of fish swimming below the water’s  surface. Suddenly one fish began to act strange, twisting and turning in all directions. The other fish wondered what was wrong with that fish. But he had a hook in his mouth.  Many people have hooks in their lives and need understanding. I never was good at Math and struggled with Geometry in high school. But I can  still  hear the teacher,  Mr. Marple, praising me and saying, “Morgan is slow, but he gets it!” How encouraging. So, encourage someone today. Let that  be heard, not a discouraging word,

WHAT REALLY LASTS

I am fascinated by books I often pull from  my shelves and  reread. At times I find truths I missed on the first reading. One such book is Henry Drummond’s The Greatest Thing in the World published in 1883 from an inspirational message that Drmoond gave in Central Africa. Dwight L. Moody heard Drummond  give that talk later, and said he had never heard anything so beautiful. Drummond wrote, “You will find as you look back upon your life that the moments stand out, the moments when you hhave really lived, are the moments you have done things in love . . . as I look back I see standing out above all the the life that has gone, four or five short experiences when the love of God reflected itself in some poor imitation, some small act of love, and these seem to be the things that abide.” As I look back at my life, I look beyond sermons preached, churches served, seminars led, or books written. I recall small small act of unconditional love where I was there for another person. Helping a young girl deal with the death of her father; performing a wedding ceremony for a pregnant college girl in trouble; listening to a student who had thoughts of suicide; taking the side of black students in a white world; visiting lonely and forsaken persons in nursing homes; giving my beloved car to a grandson. These are moments that remain when others fade into oblivion.

GOLDEN FLECKS AMONG THE ASHES

We have suffered two sad losses in our community in recent weeks. David, loved by all the residents, choked to death in our dining room and sent shock waves throughout our community. Just two days ago, Henry, a wonderful maintenance man and electrician of our community, burned to death from a horrible accident in his shop. Somehow I thought of words from a novel about a prince, who, on his death bed, took stock of his life. Out of the immense heap of sorrows and liabilities,  there remained golden flecks among the ashes. All of us, in this life try to sort out the ashes of our lives and find the golden flecks. As life winds down these golden flecks along the way help us ward off the demons of despair and death. David was not with us very long. Yet, even in the short time he was a member of our   community, he endeared himself to many residents with his charm and kindness.Life is not judged by its duration, but its donation. David donated many hours of golden flecks to us in this community. His presence was such a joy. Henr, had a hard life and died among ashes in a terrible accident. Yet, even in this sadness, we find golden flecks Henry left us.  As a master electician, he wired our building. He was always going the 2nd mile to help residents, doing small yet needed acts of kindness. His contagious spirit left golden flecks among the ashes. At my “old” age, I too count many golden flecks, happy moments with family, trips, writing. There have been ashes too, In God’s time all that will be left of me are  my ashes scattered in the earth.  I hope the warm rays of the sun fall on those ashes as “golden flecks.”

A FABLE

I leafed through an old book I wrote in 1994, Graceful Aging.Long out of print and gathering dust on my shelf, I still find some nuggets of truth there. Consider this fable written by Robert Giezentanner.The chidren of Israel had been turned back from the Promised Land because they had not been faithful to God. Now, they were wandering, slowly through the Wilderness, seeking what sustenance they could. This was a problem for the children of Israel, for there were so many of them – more than 5oo,000 men plus women and children. Because of the problems involved in feeding so vast a multitude, the leaders had to find some way of easing the load. So they decreed that everyone over sixty-five must be left to die in the Wilderness, forgetting, of course,  how soon they would reach that age. That immediately eliminated half the population. as people in those days often lived to be 120 or 13o years of age.The remnant of the children of Israel continued to wander in the Wilderness, but soon forgot why and where they were going. One day a child asked,  ”Where are we going?” No one could answer. The children of Israel were never  heard from again. They are called the Lost Tribes of Israel because they no longer had any older people to show them the way.

LESS SAID THE BETTER

My British father told the story of the time when the Queen of England came to speak at Birmingham. The Lord Mayor was nervous about introducing her royal majesty. A friend advised him, “Don’t sweat it. Everyone knows who she is.” This is how the Lord Mayor introduced the Queen, Ladies and Gentlemen: May I present her majesty, Queen Elizabeth, and the less said about her the better.” I feel that way in my later years, the less said about me the better. So many long winded introductions of speakers and politicians irritate me. Rather, use the time to  let politicians state their programs, and what they plan for the common good, rather than tear apart their opponent. Silence is a much needed virtue in this wordy culture. Meister Eckhart was convinced that “the most powerful prayer . . .and the worthiest work of all is the outcome of the quiet mind. . .  To the quiet mind all things are possible.” Too often I am guilty of what Eastern religions call, “the monkey mind,” endless thoughts like monkeys swinging from tree to tree. I am a beginner in learning the fine art of contemplation, and cherish moments when I can just be still. As the poet wrote so well, “What is this life if full of care, we have no time to stand and stare. No time to stand beneath the boughs and stare as long as sheep and cows. Poor life this, if full of care, we have no time to stand and stare. Don’t just do something, stand there!

ADJUSTING OUR SAILS

William Arthur Ward has said, “The pessimist complains about the wind; the optimist expects it to change; the realist adjusts the sails.” I admit I have often been a pessimist, expecting the worse in any situation. On many occasions, awaiting results of medical tests, I fear the worse, mainly expecting to be diagnosed with cancer. When  I get a good report, it is like being given a whole new lease on life.  I hardly ever have been an optimist, since expecting the worse seems to be part of my DNA. Now, much later in life, I have become  a realist. When confronted with loss and/or limitations, I simply adjust my sails and deal with it. Slowed down gait, loss of driving, and other issues of late life make me a realist. I don’t fear the worse anymore, or expect some miraculous cure for my maladies. I simply grab my cane, walk slower, and enjoy the scenery from the passenger side of the car. When I was younger I used to say that there were three kinds of people: Those who made things happen; those who watched things happen; and those who wondered what happened! Now  I am content with watching things happen, and dealing with whatever hand I am dealt.  Paul said it best, “I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances.”

WHEN YOU’RE TICKED OFF

Anger is part of human nature. People and circumstances often evoke anger. I’m often guilty of being passive-aggressive, stifling my anger but giving the other person the “silent treatment.” I have long believed that frustration causes aggression? Don’t believe me. Witness some of the hostile actions of hockey players, or the way baseball players vent their anger after being frustrated when they strike out or give up a homerun.  In my earlier life my parents programmed me to bottle up my anger and never express it. That can result in psychosomatic illnesses.  One of the causes of depression is not being able to express anger.  Later, we were taught to vent our anger, slam doors, fly off the handle and just get mad. This, too, is not a good way to deal with anger, using ending with making matters worse and causing alienation from those with whom we are angry. How, then, deal with anger? First of all, cool it. Put yourself on ice.  Breathe deeply. Take a walk and talk to yourself. However,  anger still needs to be expressed ,but in creative ways. Secondly,  If our anger is directed at another person, we need to calmly express our feelings and seek to resolve the differences without attacking the other person.There is still validity to the truth of Proverbs, ” A soft answer turns away wrath.”   As I grow much older I have learned to pick my battles, as some things or people that irritate us  just aren’t worth the energy of being angry. Be cool